TBC x Parenthood Series: Khoo Aiwei & Her Children

In this special column named ‘The Babies Cue x Parenthood Series’ we will be showcasing the incredible stories of parents within our community. Get an exclusive glimpse into their parenting philosophies and daily routines.

Believe in the strength of the community. During those challenging moments when you feel overwhelmed or unsure, you can always rely on your fellow parents. You can seek motivation from their experiences and share your own inspiring tales to uplift others within the community.

Meet Khoo Aiwei (A Mother of 3 Children)

 

Tell us a little about yourself. 

I am a full-time working mum. I do enjoy being at work and believe that I function better as a mum when I am working. Though having children changed many of my priorities, one of the things I hold dear is having the privilege to be volunteering in my church, and reaching out to the community. I met my husband, Aaron, in the same church. He was everything that I did not include in my wish list as a husband but he turned out to be the best for me. He was a Filipino working in Singapore, now a converted Singaporean.

 

How many children do you have? What are his/her/their names?

We have 2 girls and a boy. Calla, 9 years old, Jesse 6, and Isaac, 3 this year. We did not plan all the pregnancies to have the same 3 years gap. It just happened! My husband and I believe in the significance of giving our children names because we speak what we want to see in them. Calla was inspired by my favourite flower- Calla Lily. A single stalk on its own is poised and elegant, Calla is indeed growing to be a beautiful girl. Jesse, though a male version of Jessie, we preferred it. Jesse was the father of David from the bible, it has a meaning of being greatly blessed. We named Isaac because we know the last addition is going to bring so much joy and laughter to our family. Isaac means laughter.

 

Why did you decide to have your child/children? How did you think having children would affect your life?

After we got married we thought maybe let’s enjoy some couple time before having children. Also, because Aaron was still holding a work pass at that time, it limited our choices to get our place. Eventually, we decided to just go for it since we heard that it probably takes a while to get pregnant. Also, Aaron is 6 years older than me, so we decided to just nature take its course. Shortly, I was pregnant.

We knew and kind of expected that having children would affect our lives. It is definitely a commitment, we would be losing that flexibility and living the kind of freedom we had. But having children also made us realised that they are a blessing to us, bringing much joy to us too.

 

Describe your knowledge and/or experiences with children prior to becoming a parent. Did you prepare for parenting? If so, how did you prepare?

I had zero knowledge and experience with children before becoming a parent. Actually even now sometimes I wish there was some kind of manual that we can go to and apply the same across all our children. That will make life easier, isn’t it? Truth is we will never be 100% ready and prepared. Even when I had my last baby, I felt so unprepared. However, having a community of friends who had walked the journey before, sharing their experiences and practical tips really helped and encouraged me. My church has prenatal and parenting seminars which I attended and just gleaned from what was shared.

 

How and where did you learn about pregnancy and childbirth? Were your expectations and knowledge of the prenatal and birth period accurate? 

I was told that every pregnancy from conception to delivery would be different for every child. And true indeed! My firstborn was a breeze until D-day when I ended up having an emergency csect because of failed dilation after 18 hours of induced childbirth. My second girl decided that she could not wait for full term. My waterbag burst at 29 weeks, I was immediately put on bed rest in the hospital, and given steroids to boost the baby’s lungs in case I went into labour. Whatever could have been done still could not delay the delivery. I started having contractions the day that Jesse turned 30th week. We opted for a csect procedure after the gynae explained to us the VBAC risk.

When Jesse was delivered, I could not hear any crying and she was not given to me. While I was worrying about what could have happened to this preemie, my gynae took a while to stop my bleeding. I was given 2 bags of blood transfusions later on. The doctor told me that it would be impossible for me to have a third child but a miracle happened when Isaac came unexpectedly. He was delivered as a full-term, healthy baby.

 

What has been the most meaningful part of parenting for you?

I love how humbling it can be as a parent. Children are just so quick to forgive and still love us though we are sometimes the ones just taking it out on them.

 

What had been the most difficult part of parenting for you?

Having a preemie was probably the most difficult time of being a parent. Thankfully, Jesse was able to breathe on her own without oxygen support, we just needed to give her time to grow bigger to be off-tube feeding and it did happen. She was discharged from the hospital in the 36th week after finally reaching the minimum required 2kg. However, the same day when we brought her home, she was unusually sleepy and not waking up or crying for milk. It was definitely not her normal behaviour in the hospital.

My parents and husband thought that this is very normal for babies especially preemies are known to be very sleepy, they kept assuring me that there was nothing wrong. But I guess mummy’s instincts are mostly right. I made a firm decision to just bring her back to the hospital. She was put back on tube feeding and admitted for further tests and observations. We were told on the second night, her heart rate was dropping, and we almost lost her. The test results finally came in and it was confirmed to be meningitis, which explained the drop in the heart rate. This means the virus had affected her heart, and probably her brain as well, which cannot be diagnosed at that stage. What was heartbreaking for us was when the doctor initially told us that it all had to depend on her immunity to fight the virus. She just survived the preemie ordeal and this came in like another wave crashing on us. I felt helpless and faithless, there was nothing I could do.

Finally, the doctor decided to give her an IV therapy with some risks explained to us. We just have to let her go through it and hope it works for her. Otherwise, it would potentially be an open heart surgery. She was back in ICU, with the instability in her heart rate. Her heart rate was either too low or it could go above 220. The doctor explained to us that this was an effect of meningitis as the heart had been affected. When she was finally discharged, we had to continue to strap her to a heart monitor machine. We slept every night with the beeping sound of the machine. When she was off the heart monitor machine, I was very fearful of sleeping and constantly checking if she was breathing.

Every day was progress for her and a small win for us. Slowly she was off medication for the heart, monthly review of her heart and development became quarterly and half yearly and now annually. When she turned 3 years old, the PD cleared her of normal development milestones! We now still have to continue with her annual heart ultrasound and ECG to make sure her heart condition is working normally.

 

Who inspires you to become a better parent?

That would be my husband. I could not have been a better parent without his constant support and encouragement to me. Especially during the difficult times with Jesse, he remained to be the emotionally stronger one for me and always gave me much assurance.

What is your personal motto?

Happy parents = happy children. We love to give the best to our children but we have to take care of ourselves first before giving our best to them.

 

Do you have any word of advice for other parents who are starting their own families?

There are surely transitions. Be kinder to yourself and also even kinder to your spouse.

 

What do you do in your free time as self care? How do you unwind?

I love to take walks! Sometimes my husband and I would just get away from the kids and do our walk/jog.

What is one thing you are grateful for?

At this stage, I am grateful that even though I work full time, there is still some flexibility that is given to me to attend to these 3 little ones when required.

 

Connect with Khoo Aiwei! 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aiweidangeles