I often get asked about how to create better, or deeper intimacy, or how to maintain intimacy in relationships.  There are many factors and different aspects that each couple needs to work on, but one thing is consistent in all the efforts we do to build intimacy in relationships.  We cannot forget the element of fun, or rather, finding ways to create the element of fun is a key condition in allowing deeper intimacy to flourish in relationships.

The One Thing Intimacy Cannot Do Without: Fun

Photo by Storiès on Unsplash

Where did all the fun go?

For many relationships, familiarity breeds a certain amount of stability, which in turn breeds predictability.   The day-to-day activities start to take precedence and we often lose the initial excitement of courtship, where things seemed a little more fun and play felt easy to access.

I invite you, however, to take a different approach: to identify ways in which familiarity and fun can still co-exist, where day-to-day responsibilities can still allow for the element of fun between you and your partner.

The One Thing Intimacy Cannot Do Without: Fun

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash


Bring back the element of fun into your relationship

Some of the simple ways to start with in bringing back the element of fun into your relationship:

  1. Tease a little, laugh a lot

How about a little fun text or a fun week as you both go about your work or daily activities in the morning?  You have had pet names for each other (or make some up) and do a check-in midday with each other “Hey handsome, how’s your day?” or “Hi honey bun, are you thinking of me?”.

Teasing is great to create a light flirtatious energy between partners, simply to lighten the day, boost overall moods and laugh together.  It’s about incorporating playfulness while creating connection.  Even if you don’t find yourself particularly humorous, it’s the very act of attempting to play with the process that creates some funny for both of you to laugh at.


  1. Learn or start something new together

Learning a new skill or taking a class together isn’t just about the end result, it’s a chance to add fun and a collective sense of accomplishment to your journey. From learning to make a dish, art, navigating a game or redecorating part of the house, the goal is to cherish the learning process and forget about achieving perfection.

Through the process, you get to see each other through a new lens and take joy in knowing you had a shared experience, learning new skills while creating precious memories together.


  1. Foreplay, for play

Intimacy in the bedroom can quickly lose its element of fun, when activities in the bedroom become another check off the to-do list.  Start by allowing a little bit more time for foreplay, ten minutes of intimate connection done intentionally without having to rush to an end goal is a great way to simply have more fun on more sexy date nights.  It is simply ten minutes more, but a great way to spend intentional intimate time together.

Hugging a little longer and an additional kiss in the day are also actions that are create additional moments of connection with your partner. These tiny actions help to create connections in intimate ways, and to remind your partner that you still find them attractive.

It’s also important to regularly check in with each other to ensure both partners feel comfortable and enthusiastic about these additional elements of play. It is also a way to show that you notice your partner’s efforts and appreciate them.  Strengthen the connection between you and your partner by creating shared, playful or fun experiences.


Do you have any questions around love and relationships, creating intimacy, sexual wellness or dating?  Let me know by writing in.


About Andrea Tan

Andrea is the founder and owner of Athena Rising, and is a certified Sex, Love and Relationship Coach who works with individuals and couples to create empowered and embodied relationships by integrating love, pleasure and connection into modern lifestyles. She educates on sexual wellness and health, jade egg for women and emotional healing through a modern Asian lens.   Andrea has also been featured in media, social media channels, speaking events and interviews, conducted workshops, private coaching and consulted for related programs and content creation. Join her for her workshops or work with her on 1:1 private coaching for women or couples, group coaching.

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