You know after a year in 2020 with the pandemic, everyone talks about getting back to the new normal, because no one can really quite relate their reality to the previous pre-pandemic normal. Guess what? Parenthood is like this. Like many transitions in life, it bears reminding, there is no going back to normal, it’s about finding new rhythms.
Finding New Rhythms With Parenthood
I mention this because we often forgot and move into trying to make new lifestyles look like how they “used to”. Inevitably, we get frustrated because we then feel like we are constantly fighting upstream. With awareness, comes the clarity about how time to connect may change.
Whether it’s the scheduling or the format of those connections and intimate times. Do you need support with the care of children during these times? (Clarity allows you to express and seek the type of support you need.) Would a buffer zone help so you can specifically transition from parent to date and intimacy?
Create A Buffer Zone
Superman had this telephone booth – what do you have? Even if you feel time-crunched, a ten to fifteen-minute time slot to allow you to pause and transition from parent mode to lover mode is crucial to set the tone of how your whole presence is as you prepare to spend intimate time with your partner.
Have your own list way beforehand. The few activities that allow to drop into a state of bliss or excitement, or a list of activities that allow you to calibrate yourself from all the ongoings during the day of family and work. These are very personal and you can tweak them as you move along. Some common ones to start with are reading a few pages, journaling, doing a quick workout, taking a long shower, going for a meditative walk, dancing to some favourite tunes, gardening, playing with your pets etc.
Flirting With Each Other
In addition, a little something I always like to throw in is creating your own secret code or understanding or communication signals about intimacy between you two. Discuss with your partner if there are any words or actions that will particularly turn them on quickly or that you both agree is your tacit code about intimacy with each other. This becomes your playful secret that only both of you have – it builds an environment where you can flirt a little more with each other and something else that you can nurture together that the rest of the world doesn’t have with you.
Parenthood is a whole lot of changes, many that we are unprepared for sometimes. I’ve mentioned in my sessions that parenthood is probably the only thing that can make you feel both like a complete failure and a complete success in the same day, and sometimes, in the same hour.
Intimacy after parenthood is not more difficult or lacking, it is just different. Amidst all of that, intimacy thrives on communication, safety and pleasure, so never forgot to have a little fun with each other, keep finding things to laugh together about, keep looking out for new aspects of your partner as a parent that you appreciate.
Andrea is the founder and owner of Athena Rising, and is a certified Sex, Love and Relationship Coach and works with individuals and couples around topics of love and sexual wellness. She uses a variety of coaching methodologies, mind-body rewiring, sexual embodiment practices, and jade yoni eggs.
Join her for monthly online series “SlapTalk with Andrea”, workshops or work with her on 1:1 private coaching for women or couples, group coaching or hire her for private workshops.
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