Why do (we) moms experience “mom guilt”? It is our job to take care of our children and our family. It is difficult to remove the guilt when we “ignore” our kids or our job scope such as cleaning and preparing a simple meal for our loved ones. We forget that taking breaks can actually refuel our bodies and minds to become better moms.
It’s most often called “mom guilt” because we tend to unknowingly “scold” ourselves (especially when we are judged by others). Most of the time, guilt is coming from a negative source. Once we allow those negative thoughts to overtake us, nothing good will come out of it. After experiencing “mom guilt” for a period of time, I learnt that it is important to feed our minds positivity and to always remain happy. Here are some steps that I take to help me get over this negative thoughts.
How to Get Rid of “Mom Guilt”?
1. “Have I given my best?”
Don’t compare yourself with anyone else in this world. If you do, you are insulting yourself. Mom guilt comes from comparing with what other parents have done for their kids. An example such as sending the kids to the daycare because of work or not being able to volunteer at the kids’ school. If you’re a working mom, your reason for heading to the office is valid. Honestly, this is not worth feeling guilty about. We’re primed to put our kids first, but that also means making sure we have our needs taken care of it as a priority as well. The main question to ask yourselves would be “Have we given our best?”
2. Parenting is not about perfection.
Every parenting path is unique. Parenting is an ongoing journey of personal learning and growing. We have to adapt to the changes in ourselves and in our children. One key factor is to accept and learn from our own mistakes. Always give yourself the time to go through this process. Enjoy the journey of parenting and never be too hard on yourself. When we can accept that the journey is a long one, every challenge will lead to a victory.
3. Pause before reacting.
Best parenting moments rarely happens when we react. Reacting comes from our emotions, creating reactions that we usually would want to take back. Always take deep breaths or step away in order to let our emotions settle down first before we speak. Being parenting conscious by reflecting before acting is can help us be more aware of what we are doing. Pause and give ourselves time to observe our own thoughts and feelings. Where are my emotions coming from? Why am I feeling upset and angry?
4. Seek practical solutions.
If you feel guilty because of your work-life balance, seek solutions such as asking for flexible work schedules or combining your business trips with family vacations. Try to set aside some time, like an hour or so, to focus completely on your kids. Take time out to play the games they play. You may also find friends who are in the same boat to come up with practical solutions to solve this guilt.
Motherhood is exhausting, inspiring, soul-sucking and purpose-giving. Motherhood has made you question everything, but at the end of the day, it is satisfying and beautiful. Our community, The Ladies Cue, is here for you as we go through motherhood together!